We open on Grey Worm and the rest of the Unsullied as the Targaryen-Jaws theme kicks in. The music and scene at hand hint at impending fire! And blood! And gruesome green explosions! And a cataclysmic battle for King’s Landing! None of which happens. They should have briefed Ramin Djawadi on some nice, benign lobby […]
We open on the Lannister forces, lugging their Highgarden loot towards King’s Landing. Jaime’s still burning from Olenna’s epic last words, but at least he has carts full of gold to show for it. Bronn’s dirty about not being paid what he was promised because he doesn’t have a castle yet. Jaime tells him to […]
We open on Jon Snow and Ser Davos arriving at Dragonstone. Clearly they bypassed the King’s Road and jumped on Westeros’ new Shinkansen. One thing you’ve gotta say for Queen Cersei; she doesn’t skimp on transport infrastructure. Jon and Tyrion greet each other with man-affection. Their bond as mutual outcasts was believable and endearing back […]
It’s a dark and stormy night on Dragonstone – and someone get Dany a juicy horse heart, because this girl is HANGRY. Or hormonal. Or possessed by the vengeful spirit of Viserys. Either way, Varys cops it – Dany’s decided to grill the Spider about his fickle loyalties. Surely they would’ve had this conversation earlier, […]
We open season 7 at the Twins, where Walder Frey (wink wink) has gathered every Frey worth mentioning for a family feast. Yes, they’re all wearing their hideous hats. After toasting his family with a fine Arbor Gold sporting subtle notes of impending death, Walder gradually reveals himself to be Arya Stark, our favourite vengeful […]
It’s D-day in King’s Landing, and the big players are getting ready for the trial of the century. The opening scenes are almost entirely silent, except for the ominous clanging of the Sept’s bell…which is clearly tolling for a truckload of people given it’s the finale and the death count in King’s Landing has been […]
Let me preface by saying that I could use a good cup of tea with a double-vodka chaser, an entire pack of chewable antacids and perhaps a heart transplant, because mine exploded from stress somewhere between Jon galloping for Rickon and the Knights of the Vale arriving à la Riders of Rohan. And maybe a […]
We open in Bravos, where we last saw Arya staggering through a crowded marketplace, bleeding profusely from substantial Waif-inflicted stab wounds. But now we’re here to watch that play. Again. Is it just me, or has a good chunk of Season 6 felt kind of like calling for your favourite pizza but getting repeatedly placed on hold and forced to […]
We open in bizarro Westeros, where the sun is shining, the fields are green, and clean, cheerful people are working together in harmony to construct some sort of house of worship. Even the music is uncharacteristically uplifting, evoking a sense of hope and the possibility of a better future. It stirs something deep within your […]
We open beyond the Wall, where Meera is dragging Bran through the snow. LEAVE HIM. Bran is still warging out. A Bran-o-vision montage shows us pyromancers pouring wildfire, the Mad King instructing Jaime Lannister to BURN THEM ALL, the attack on Hardhome and the Night King raising the dead, a young Ned Stark wanting to […]
